Raspberry+mint omnomnom sauce

Succulent pork chops with raspberry+mint omnomnom sauce (I don't know what kind of sauce it was, so I've invented a new kind), home made french fries, and organic broccoli.

For a Jew, I make a damn fine pork chop.

raspberry+mint "omnomnom" sauce

You will need:

4 tbsp Lucini Fig & Walnut dressing (also amazing marinade for pork chops)

6 oz. organic raspberries

1 tsp white sugar or some form of granulated sugar substitute (do your tongue a flavor and avoid anything that has aspartame in it)

Generous sprinkling of Coriander

Light sprinkling of Basil

15 to 20 Mint leaves (chopped or torn, your choice)

Dash of salt

Combine dressing and 3 oz of raspberries in a small metal (no teflon) frying pan, set on low-medium heat, and mash raspberries with a fork. Add sweetener and spices, stir, add mint leaves and reduce heat to low. Cover for about 3-5 minutes (you're not really cooking it, you're heating it). Meanwhile, partially mash up some of the remaining raspberries, leaving others whole. Add salt and remaining berries, stir and allow to simmer for a couple more minutes.

Once sauce is ready, pile on top of pork chops (or adequate meat substitute) and serve.

A couple really simple vegan side dishes

I made these two sides with pork chops the other night, but they are two of my favorites for any meal, including ones that don't involve harming animals. They're really good together, and your best bet is to start the potatoes first.

Sautéed Mushrooms and Asparagus

You will need:

Category A - hardware

Kitchen with working stovetop

2" deep frying pan

Category B - software

1 lb fresh asparagus (the little ones taste the best)

1.5 cups sliced mushrooms

1/2 cup white onion (not being an onion racist, that's just the best onion for the flavors)

2 (approx) tbsp olive or vegetable oil

Optional:

1-2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

Category C - spices

A generous sprinkling of rosemary

A slightly less generous sprinkling of thyme

Salt to taste

Pepper to taste

Category D - time

About 20 minutes, depending on your prep-time

Combine categories B and C in category A, over medium heat. Cover and simmer, stirring semi-frequently. After about 10 minutes (when water from veggies has taken over the bottom of your frying pan), remove cover and allow excess water to cook off. Dish is ready when asparagus is bright green and soft, but still slightly crunchy. Serves enough for two, plus some leftovers (unless you're like us and can't leave leftovers cause it's so good).

Mashed Red Potatoes

You will need:

Category A - hardware

Kitchen with working stovetop

Small pot (able to hold 10 cups liquid)

Potato masher or large serving fork

Category B - software

1 lb small red potatoes, diced

Category C - mashing

1-2 tbsp margarine

1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk

A healthy sprinkling of Garam Masala

Put diced potatoes into your small pot and fill with water until water line is just slightly above potatoes. Boil until potatoes are soft and mashable. Drain. Add ingredients from category C, and mash with masher or large serving fork (for a smoother texture, swirl your instrument). Serves two, comfortably, with enough for leftovers.

Garam Masala is kind of a savory chai spice and it works well with all kinds of dishes. If you've never tried it before, I encourage you to experiment with different meat and non-meat dishes. It's a good way to change a favorite dish and make it a new favorite -- especially if you're not familiar with Eastern spices and spice mixes.

Four Fruit Pie filling

This is a pie that I completely made up, but I used some recipes from the internet to get the idea for what I needed to do for the filling. I also used a pre-made pie crust. This pie can be made gluten free by substituing a gluten-free pie crust and a gluten-free all purpose flour (Red Mill is pretty good if you like it). This recipes is not sugar free. This recipes is vegan, if you use a vegan pie crust. It would be difficult to make a sugar-free version, but feel free to try.

You will need:

Category A - hardware

A kitchen with stove top and range

A large frying pan, 2" or more deep

Category B - software

1 quince, cored and cubed

1 bartlet pear, cored and cubed

1 persimmon, cored and cubed

1 ambrosia apple, cored and cubed

1/3 cup turbinado sugar*

1/3 cup white sugar*

1/3 cup all purpose flour or gluten-free all purpose flour

*Substitute 2/3 cup brown sugar, if desired

Category C - spices

3/4 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp pumpkin pie spice

dash of orange peel

dash of corriander

1 tbsp lemon juice

Category D - pie crust

For a home made pie crust, the internet is full of ideas, but your basic pie crust is gonna be eggs, flour, sugar, and maybe a spice or two. I used a pre-made, frozen double pie crust. Premade crusts will generally have directions on them for temperature and whatnot.

Category E - time

about an hour

Combine categories B and C (except lemon juice) in a large bowl, mix well. Empty mixture into frying pan and simmer on stovetop for about 20 minutes. Add lemon juice after about 5 minutes.

Empty mixture into bottom pie crust, and layer second crust over the top. Make sure you put some air-holes in your top crust so your pie doesn't explode in the oven. Average baking time/temp should be around 425 for 20 minutes, but your time will vary based on the recipes for your crust. Make sure you follow those instructions rather than my guidelines here.

You can also make fun little pasties or impenadas by cutting circles out of your rolled-out crust, placing the filling in the center, folding it over, and crimping the edges. Again, make sure to give your treat some air holes.

With the exception of Categories C and D, all measurements are approximate because, as I've said before, I cook by feel. This recipes is dairy free, egg free, gluten free, and can be made vegan by substituting the the meat for some non-meat analog.

Speaking of meat, it should be noted that the sausage recommended below is pretty spicy, so if you're sensitive to spice, be careful with adding anything like chili oil, red chili flakes, or cayenne peper.

Also, a note on the booze: it is absolutely necessary and the alcohol will cook off. There is something about the combination of tomatoes and grain alcohol that tastes absolutely amazing. Trust me.

You will need:
Category A - hardware
1 kitchen with working stovetop
1 large and flat saucepan (think frying pan with tall sides)

Category B - software
1 lb chicken, cut into 1-inch-ish cubes
4 Louisiana Brand Hot Link sausages, sliced
4 oz. can Fire Roasted Diced Green Chilies
1 shallot, chopped
1/2 tbsp thyme
salt to taste

Category C - other important parts
1 28oz can Diced Tomatoes
1.5 oz good Whiskey or Bourbon

Category D - veggies

1 green bell pepper, chopped

1 yellow bell pepper, chopped

1/2 cup diced parsnip

1 pint Spanish Padron peppers (or other sweet pepper), chopped

1 cup diced leeks

Category E - spices
1 tbsp cumin (increase to taste)

1 tbsp thyme

1/2 tbsp oregano

1/2 tbsp ground mustard

salt to taste

Optional ingredients:

2 cloves garlic

Cayenne pepper to taste

Category F - side of rice
1 box of Spanish Rice mix
1 bag microwavable brown rice

Category G - time

2-3 hours depending on how fast you you prep


Prepare ingredients in Category B, then combine in Category A. Cook until chicken is done.

Add ingredients from Categories C, D, and E and reduce temperature. Allow to simmer for an hour while flavors mix.

Prepare Spanish Rice according to ingredients on packaging. Once rice is finished, microwave the brown rice and mix into cooked Spanish Rice mix.

Serve and enjoy!

Super-Awesome Split Pea Soup

With the exception of Category C, all measurements are approximate because, as I've said before, I cook by feel. This recipes is dairy free, egg free, gluten free, and can be made vegan by either substituting the ham for some kind of non-meat analog or nixing the ham all together. If you want to add bacon, make sure you cook it first, before throwing it in the pot.

You will need:
Category A - hardware
Kitchen with working stove
Large stew pot
Blender

Category B - software
10 (total, after soaking... so 8-9 dry?) cups of any combination of dried yellow and green split peas (DO NOT USED CANNED PEAS! IT WILL MAKE YOU VOMIT!)
Lots of water

Category C - the other important parts
Half a large leek, sliced, diced
1 large shallot, diced
3 bay leaves
1-1.5 lbs pre-cooked ham, cut into pieces of your choosing (I cut them small)
4-6 tablespoons Rapunzel's Vegetable Broth (dry, comes in a jar)

Category D - veggies (add more, if you're so inclined)
1.5 cups diced carrots
1.5 cups frozen corn

Category E - spices, to taste (you can always add more, but you can't add less)
Salt
Black pepper
1 tbsp Ground Cumin (don't be afraid of cumin, it is your savory, delicious friend)
1 tbsp Ground Mustard (don't be afraid of mustard either, it is also your friend)

Category F - time
About 18 hours

The night before you want soup:
Place the dry peas in the large cooking pot with plenty of water. Cover and allow to soak over night (6-12 hours).

The next day:
Drain the peas then separate 6(ish) cups into the blender (with some more water), and leave the rest in the pot. Puree the peas in the blender until smooth (just past the really gross-looking phase), and dump into pot with the rest of the peas. Add 6 cups of water and place pot onto the stove.

Add items from Category C, and turn the mixture to medium heat. Bring to a low boil before reducing heat and adding the remaining ingredients from Categories D and E. Make sure you taste your mixture between spices to see if you need more of something. Of course, this isn't something you can throw together, so take it SLOOOOOOOOOW.

Cook on low-med heat for 45 minutes, then reduce to low heat (like, the burner is barely on) for 2 hours.

Serving tips: if you're not allergic to bread, enjoy with a slice of toast. If you are allergic to bread, you can try it with a little rice, but you probably don't need any filler. It's a very hearty soup.

Introducing the Post-Modern Chef

While I possess some impressive skills in the kitchen, all of my chef-training has been in the form of eating. I have a strong sense of taste and smell, and sense-memory, so it's easy for me to put different flavors together in my head before making those flavors into food.

Of course, in my domestic goddess duties, I pretty much can't make many traditional recipes. Most of what I'll post here will be free of gluten, wheat, spelt, eggs, dairy, cane sugar, cranberries, and/or garlic, because those are the dietary restrictions I'm presented with at home. That means that a lot of the recipes here will be helpful for those with these allergies, and some recipes can be modified for those who follow vegan dietary restrictions.

It should also be noted that because I cook by feel, most of the measurments are going to be approximate, and on the low side. Remember, you can always add more, but you can't take stuff out.

Anyway, bon apetit!